Proditio

The moment someone compares you to someone else; someone else who they perceive to be a better person, is a moment you will never forget. You wear the memory of the feeling on your skin like grime you can’t wash clean. It doesn’t matter the reason, justified or not. It stays. You stand there, like you were just smacked on the head and you’re waiting to lose conciseness. It takes the breath right from your lungs. Just because someone gives the outward appearance that they are a better person than you, does it then in turn make you a bad person? Or less of a person? Just because you use curse words more than they do? Just because you have more dimensions to your voice. Just because you have less friends than they do? You stand there, struggling to remember what exactly it was that your parents told you; was it quality over quantity? What is this sudden self doubt that is bubbling through your insides? Images flash through your mind; like, this has happened before. Close your eyes against the suddenness of it. A sinking feeling. You are reminded of how this scene will play out and you already know the ending song. You’re gasping through this living nightmare a second time. Time stands still and you are naked and broken in the midst of a memory reborn. It’s horrible and you already know it. You also know there is nothing you can do. The damage is done. It’s over. So there is nothing left to do but leave the toxicity where it stands and hope it hasn’t permeated your body through and through. Maybe you left in time this time. Maybe… The damage is already done.