On Being Dumped (Past)

I think the thing that hurts the most isn't the heartache. Or the days gone by. Or the whole being "dumped" instead of being the "dumper".  No. It's really none of those things. It's the leftovers. It's the broken promises of "we'll stay friends", the "we'll stay in touch" 's. And I mean, of course things can't stay the same. There needs to be a little bit of time that passes in order to allow the healing process to start. But soon, weeks turn into months and you're not sure if it's been enough time. Is it too soon to call you to tell you about that job I finally landed? Too soon to text you that I nailed that recipe? The one where I almost burned half the kitchen down trying to "put the final touches on". Too soon to forward you that funny email about cats? Too much second guessing. So you don't. You don't call and you don't text and you don't email. Because what if it IS too soon and you think it's weird? And I show you my vulnerable side; my human side. Or you think I want you back? And then it gets weird and awkward and the moments that used to be filled with laughter and conversation are suddenly so empty and silent.  Would there be any moving past that? Would it be ruined? But you try anyway. Because you've got a good footing on where you stand and because you made the same promises back of "staying friends" and "staying in touch". Because despite the awkward pauses... your friend is in there somewhere. And maybe, just maybe, they're dying to tell you about something just as bad as you're dying to tell them something. Just maybe. Because you're an adult. And what's more is that you're a good friend. You realize that if you're missing your best friend as much as this, then perhaps they miss your friendship, too.

When a couple breaks apart the thing you hear most is how heartbroken they are. But there is always one person who hurts worse. And sometimes it's no one's fault; it's just how things happen.  both parties experience pain. It's never equal and it's never even. One person walks away feeling relieved and one person is left standing in the rain. 

What people don't realize is that there is so much more to a relationship. And to a break up. Relationships are more than soft kisses and gentle hugs and long nights entangled in the bed sheets. This person doesn't just become your boyfriend or your girlfriend; your husband or your wife. They become your partner. It doesn't take a lifelong commitment to make a partner of someone. This person whom you share long kisses with and tender embraces... they become your best friend. And it's understandable. Soon they're the person you spend most of your time with. Soon you're living together. You go to bed and wake up with each other. If you have a bad dream they're the person you wake up and tell and seek comfort from. They know your hopes and your dreams and your fears. They know you don't like onions on your burgers and that you like ranch with your french fries. They know that the part where Marley dies at the end of "Marley and Me" will make you cry like a little girl who just dropped her ice cream. And they don't judge you for it.

So you see, when you lose the relationship you really are losing so much more. You're losing your partner. Your significant other. Your best friend. It's an awful, awful feeling when you're kicked down to that level and all you want to do is call your best friend because they always know how to cheer you up... but you can't. Because they're the one who put you there. 

People think that when a relationship ends that all you're losing is steamy kisses and sex whenever you want it. But it's so much more. So yeah. Losing that stuff is painful. It's tragic and it takes a long time to heal from that. A long time to open up to someone new. A long time to trust someone enough to let them in deep enough to be your partner. Your best friend. To know that 'Marley and Me' secret. You might get over the heartache;  move on. And if you're very, VERY lucky, you'll find someone.

The most painful part isn't the lost kisses. It's the lost friendship. It's the broken promises of "we'll stay friends" and "we'll keep in touch". It's the being left behind. Because while you're wondering if calling is weird and if texts would be ignored because enough time hasn't passed... they're gone. They took their love and their friendship and forgot about you. Because weeks turned into months and then months turned into years. The moment has passed.

But I have a secret for you. They didn't call you. They didn't text you. They didn't email you. The story may be tragic, but you know what? It isn't your tragedy. It's theirs. Their loss. Their broken promises. And they'll carry that into the next relationship. And then the next one. And the next one.
And you know something?
You won't.

Be Merry Anway!

There will always be a million and one reasons to be sad and sometimes only but a handful of reasons to be happy these days.
Be happy anyway.

As the air around us starts to feel crisp and the holidays start to catch up with us we seem to find ourselves amidst that one Scrooge who bah-humbug's each and every merry passerby.
Be merry anyway.

For every adventure you embark on there are a hundred reasons why you shouldn't and a thousand risks to consider.
Be adventurous anyway. 

For every ounce of strength you show there will be someone, standing at the ready, waiting to put it to the test.
Show strength anyway.

For every bit of light that slips through your cracks there will be someone waiting to snuff it out.
Light the way anyway.

For every independent thought that you think there will be someone trying to control you.
Think independently anyway.

For every strong willed action that you make there will be someone waiting to tell you are wrong.
Be strong willed anyway.

For every truth that you speak there will be someone to call you a liar.
Tell the truth anyway.

For every belief that you  have there will always be a skeptic, waiting to disprove them.
Believe anyway.

For every time you speak up there will be someone trying to silence you.
Speak anyway.

In a world so full of sickness and sadness, famine and death; there are many reasons to be sorrowful , it is sometimes hard to find the beauty we crave for in order to be creative.
Find beauty anyway. Create something anyway.

For all of the love that you have, the World will always have double that in hatred.
Love anyway.

Life is hard. And what's more, it is fleeting. Sometimes it's gone in a flash and you never get the chance to regret anything. But sometimes it's slow and all you have time for is to think of and remember all of the things you have to be sorry about. All of the things you have to regret. All of the things left unsaid and undone. How unfinished you are and how you need more time. This is all we get. This one life. This one beautiful and ephemeral life. There are no redo's and there are no remake's. The time we are given is all the time we have to make things right. To make life what we want it to be. Don't waste the gift that we are given. So, BE happy and BE merry, for it truly is the best revenge, if nothing else.  Take adventures that might not lead to anywhere grand because it truly is about the journey. Have the strength to light your own path, to forge your own way, to be of your own sound mind for this takes courage! It takes bravery. It is no easy task but we all have the greatness inside of us. Be honest and know that believing in something doesn't make you weaker; it makes you stronger. And this too, requires courage. Never fail to speak up. No matter how many times it is misconstrued by other's. Never let another person shame you into silence. 

Lastly. Find the courage within yourself to see the beauty that you are surrounded by. For beauty is everywhere. You simply need to open your eyes. Really look. Really see. For love is never far behind beauty. There might be more hatred in this world but you mustn't forget that love is ten times as strong as hatred.  Never fail to be courageous. It takes bravery and it takes courage to know oneself. Being like everyone around you is easy. Being different; well now, that's hard. That takes strength. So hold on tight and be brave because I promise you the ride is worth it.